Justice Jackson Says “Blacks Are Disabled” [semi-satire]

Supreme Court Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson cited the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) to support her contention that “gerrymandering congressional districts to ensure that there are more majority Black districts is constitutional. Mental ability statistics show that, as a race, Blacks have a lower IQ than any other race. The only way they can be fairly represented in Congress is if they can have districts where their mental disability is out-weighed by greater numbers of Black voters.”

Chief Justice John Roberts said “I have long held that the only way to end racial discrimination is to stop using race as a factor in determining a person’s rights in our society. The notion that every race should be equally represented in every school, profession, or activity is preposterous. Aptitudes and abilities are not equally distributed among humans. Using racial quotas to decide university admissions, job placements, or congressional districts violates the principle of treating each person equally. All must be free to choose their own course without anyone putting their thumb on the scale.”

Jackson countered saying “we already put a ‘thumb on the scale’ when our laws decree preferred parking spots and access ramps for the physically disabled. Why shouldn’t we put our thumb on the scale for the mentally disabled so there voices can be heard in Congress?”

Justice Clarence Thomas argued against racism, saying “I think my own life story makes the case that race may not be as decisive a determiner of our fate as Justice Jackson contends. It is one thing to ensure that opportunities are open to all comers to make the best of themselves. Would-be benefactors may choose to lend a hand, but the process should not be rigged to ensure that the incapable are saddled with responsibilities they cannot handle. Their inevitable failure does not well serve society or the misplaced person.”

John Semmens

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