I went into Christopher Nolan’s Odyssey expecting a cinematic event. Instead, I saw one of the worst movies ever made. I made it to the 90-minute mark before walking out, but I really should have bailed a half-hour in.

We have been utterly bamboozled. As someone who appreciates a script that actually works, I can tell you this screenplay is nonsensical. Combine that with unwatchable lighting and completely incomprehensible audio, and the whole production just falls apart on screen. Matt Damon is completely miscast and entirely too soft to play Odysseus. Honestly, the campy old Steve Reeves movies or Sinbad the Sailor pack more entertainment value than this bloated mess.

If anyone tells you this film is good, they are lying. It will not win—let alone be nominated for—a single Oscar. Do yourself a favor and see The Devil Wears Prada 2 or Michael instead. I am not exaggerating when I say that when my time comes to sit in a nursing home, my first request to the Almighty will be for a refund on the 90 minutes I lost to this three-hour joke. No one with an ounce of common sense should sit through it.